Sunday, February 15, 2009

Match: Lights Camera Explosions!

Me, and Fury fly in to the studio. “So now what?" Fury asks.

“Well HYDRA gave me this gun that..." Before I explain what it does two superheroes show their ugly faces. The Crappy teen Iron Man rip off from before the Onslaught thing.

And probably the most disgusting Superhero couple I've ever seen. Batgirl and Vincent. Seriously I think after this I'm going to go , and slap Robin for introducing those two. I wanted to fight but Fury wanted to run, and ditch them thinking we couldn't take all three.

A half saiyan, a guy in an armored suit, and an S and M fetish girl oh yeah I'm scared. But whatever we ran into the studio and ran through a bunch of different doors in what was very reminiscent of a Scooby Doo cartoon where we'd run out one door and the super heroes would run out of another.

At one point we were chasing them, a clown became involved somehow. Benny Hill music was playing it was surreal. After that debacle Fury decided to just stay in one room with her shirt off, and wearing a black bra.

Lucky for us Ironlad came in, and was too busy staring at her cleavage to notice me come up behind him I dent his helmet with fist, and knock out the loser.

Fury strips him of his armor, and the entire room fills with the smell of vodka. And Fury checking out Stark Jr. “We should just kill him now."
I state.

“He’s too cute to kill we’ll just stash his destroy his armor. She grins rubbing his chest. “Why’s it ticking?"

Why do all the women have a thing for Iron Man? Even this bargain basement version. I will kill him after that but I'll have to do so later. Right now I just crush his armor while Fury ties him up seeming to enjoy that a little too much.

We then walk right to the studio where the Nick Fury movie is being filmed. our costumes would normally make us stand out but this time with all these movie actors around we blend right in.

I point the gun at Samuel L. Jackson.

“What does that do?" Fury questions.

"It'll turn Sam Jackson into David Hasselhoff thus enduing the movie." I sneer.

She grabs the gun, and crushes it. “Oh no! We wont be making any Hasselhoff Jokes!"

“Why just because Jon did it?" I thought of mine when I first got the challenge!"

“Everyone probably thought of some variation of that joke when they first got the challenge!” she rolls her eyes." WE ALL KNOW THE HASSELHOFF MOVIE SUCKED!"

I rub my chin. “Maybe we should stop breaking the Fourth Wall now? "

A voice from above us startles me. “Bah! How about I break a wall with your face losers!"

I glare up at Vincent. “Look kid quit make up your own catchphrases, and quit copying your dad."

next thing I know I'm punched out of the studio I watch as fury blocks some Batarangs from the leather freak with her bracelets then she somehow she get in too close and This loud " Clang" comes from Batgirl's fists hitting Fury's face. Metal gloves of some sort."

The monkey boy comes after me again I slam him back into the studio with my TTK Next time I see him he's all blonde , and glowy. He throws several punches at me.
All of them miss he grunts as all this energy gathers around his body. And he throws it at me as something called a " Final Flash." I dodge it, and let it blow up several buildings below.

“Good work "hero. How many do you think you just killed there?" I laugh. Again he goes to the grunting then there’s this impressive light show. And loud annoying screaming. When that's all done the monkey boy turns into some kind of furry.

My laughing is cut off when his fist plasters my face. He moves so freaking fast I can't see him with telescopic vision, I'm beaten down pretty severely then finally I get hit with soome kind of blast.

I'm bruised, and bleeding on some ruined stage. “okay you won I guess I'm going back to the Vault."

“You know I've been thinking you keep getting out to kill, and maim over, and over." Vincent smirks. “Maybe I should put an end to that. You know they say clones don't have souls, if that's true sucks to be you though you'd probably go to hell any way."

Fury shows up with Battie in tied up in her lasso. Well looks like I won't get to find out if this guy was bluffing or was going to go all Punisher on me or not. Fury grabs on to Batgirl's neck.

“Let my man go or I'll snap leather lass' scrawny little neck. What's it gonna be saiyan? You can put us away and have a cold spot in your bed where this chick used to be or you can let us go right, now."

I didn't give the guy anytime to answer, I while he was distracted by his girl's plight. I roasted him from behind with a full on massive dose of Heat Vision.

He somehow survived that but was a crispy critter. Now it's my turn to smirk." They say what doesn't kill you saiyans makes you stronger, I can't have that now can I?"

I was about to fry him some more when I hear some noise over by fury, The Batchick had actually head butted Fury. It didn't hurt the Clone of a demigoddess but it surprised her enough to get the Bat loose and hit her with that metal glove.

Next thing I know they toss some kind of capsules at Fury shooting gas in her face. My former Titans East teammate glares at me bleeding from her forehead. She takes something out of her belt and tosses it at my chest. I laugh, as it bounces off.

“What was that a rock?" I laugh until I feel this burning sensation all over my body."

I swear I see her smile under that fright mask. “Kryptonite."
She leaps at me

She hits me in groin with that metal glove, I collapse by the meteor rock i cuss her out with a newly high pitched voice, Fury who can barley see after whatever that gas was grabs me and flies my out of there. Crashing through trees, and houses along the way.

We sit on the Hollywood sign recovering from the fight. “That was embarrassing. beaten by some skinny chick with no powers." I sigh still in falsetto.

“Stupid Bat Family... Damn Batman and his stupid toys..." Fury starts before our commuincator that HYDRA gave us. Madame HYDRA appears on screen.

“Good work you two."

“Huh?" Fury starts before I put up may hand.

“Your super powered donnybrook destroyed the studio, and put them in several million dollars debt from all the lawsuits. Though I'd have to say burning half of LA was tad too much but still we'll call you again some day."

Fury jumps in my lap, happily. I would have been happy too if her jostling my junk didn't make me see stars. Damn Bat - B*tch


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah but my Hasslehoff joke was...

fine. It sucked.

At least he got attacked by a dozen deadly Amazonian tree vipers.


*Grumble grumble*

captain koma said...


what a comeback. just when I thought all was lost for you match you bring this out.

impressed yes