Sunday, February 15, 2009

And this is how you do it...

"Name" drones out the unintrested security guard.
"I, am Captain Koma." I tell him making sure to strike a decent evil pose for effect.
"Yeah sure you are." yawns the guard. "Villian castings at stage4. Here's your visitors pass. Have an evil day."

Stage one complete I have been given entry to the movie lot. Smugly I stride to stage 4 overly confident in my own planning. Stage 4 is littered with loosers wanting to play a villain in this sham of a movie.

"Dude worst Captain Koma costume, ever!" says one of the fanboys.
"Yeah Koma wears a hood. You look some kind of made up Flash villain." disses another.
"Really." I reply. "So what would the real Koma do say, right now getting sh1t from fanboys?"
"Koma'd get all Emo and tell us we were wrong and then sic his sexy fem-bot on us." replies the first fanboy.
"No no." blurted the other fanboy. "He'd whine about how nasty we are and then run away crying."
They all burst out laughing.
"Really I thought he'd do something like this." I pull out my blaster raise at the fanboys and fire. I miss them deliberately and take out the car behind them.
"Whoops!" I chuckle. "Blaster wasn't set to stun. Silly old me."
Sirens began sounding and people were already taking footage with their mobile phones. I was going to be subtle and try to ruin the movie by replacing the Sam Jackson with Steve Urkel or Tom Cruise. But now I'd have to change tak.

"Security! Drop the weapon and place your hands on your head." orders a guard.
I don't have time for this. -voip!- I teleport behind the guard.
"Boo!" utter. The guard turns around I fire the blaster, this time set to stun.

The cops were already gathering outside the lot, choppers were flying about. Not long till SHIELD or some hero turns up. The only thing left to do in a powder keg situation like this is light the fuse. I click my fingers and a portal opens.

Out tumbles a hundred synthoids they begin to tear apart the studio.

"Dude! Synthoids! Thats awesome!" exclaimed the fanboy.
"You really are Koma." says the other amazed. "Can we get our picture with you?"
"Sure just be quick about it." I tell them. They go to put their arms around me.
"Uh-uh. Hot chicks only." I tell them.
After the photos are taken the two look a bit distracted.
"Can we like hang around and be your henchmen?" one asks.
"No!" I tell them. I had to get back to ruining this movie.

I make my way through the devastation to the trailers where the crew and stars are cowering. I needed to find the producer Avi Arad. He was hiding in one of the stages with Sam Jackson. Sam pulls a gun on me.
"I'm not here to kill you Mr Jackson." I reveal. "I'm here to ruin this movie."
"What the..." blurts Jackson.
"I'm just an Evil Genius down on his luck." I explain. "The only henchmen I can get are fanboys and geeks, I'm on a reality game show for crying out loud. So please just let me do this and get out of here, okay." I say cutting him off. "I need something from Mr Arad here."
"What do you want me for?" asks the Marvel mogoul.
"I need the name of who's really behind this movie." I answer.
Arad purses his lips and a sick look crawls across his face.
"Look if you don't want to say it then just write it down on this piece of paper." I offer Arad paper and a pen. He quickly writes down the name. I take the paper Arad pockets the pen, thats just typical. I teleport out of there.

Later somewhere in the Hollywood Hills.
"What do you want Koma?" asks a gravely voice.
"Well sir you need to pull the Nick Fury movie." I ask politely.
"And why should I do this?" demands the voice. "I set up the damn movie, I spent years getting Jackson to play Fury. Its a crucial part of the Avengers franchise."
"Lady HYDRA wants it canned..." I begin and He cuts me off.
"Lady HYDRA wants it!" He shouts. "I tell you the only way I'd can this movie is if her can's were on my lap. But Noooo! She wouldn't would she. Cause I'm still Baby Herman with Fifty year old lust and two year old penis!"
"Then would you take a very willing synthiod copy?" I offer smiling as the sythoid copy of Lady HYDRA teleports in front of Baby Herman with a -voip!- and a sexy smile.
"Consider the movie canned. Now get outta here." orders Herman.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh does this mean we get to critique you?

After years of blogging, you apparently still don't know that a lot of sites don't let you take their images and it's just as easy to host them yourself, the baby said the same joke that he did in Who Framed Roger Rabbit only you substituted the word penis. Very risque. I do give you credit for having a hilarious title for the post, though.


captain koma said...

I know that and I always test it. It worked the third time I reloaded the page.

Didn't clear the cache first.

Word verification : dingly

Now there's a penis joke there.

Match said...

Henchmen can get henchmen?

captain koma said...

I am not a henchman. I am an evil genius and guest competitior.